Listen daily

Listening - key is to listen, not interrupt, acknowledge their experience ( using last word of their sentence, using the same adjective they used not immediately but after a few sentences to show you were paying attention ) , doing research about the person and saying something related after sometime in the conversation

Top priorities when you talk to anyone 

• Make other person feel special always
• Building Bank of trust

Before joining a meeting, you should have the below clarity

What is the purpose of this conversation?
What specifically do I want the other person to do when the conversation ends ?
What, if anything, I am willing to commit to achieve the results I am looking for?
Deflector - we are not hear to talk about ___ ( your coworkers/ other tasks )
Non accountability - what are you willing to do to address these concerns ? Write down/ sign/ email and tell the consequences if not followed
To regain control of the conversation, always focus on the why, keep your eye on the prize and always make sure both parties are getting something out of it. Each party must feel like they are being treated fairly.

When you talk to someone instead of saying but, which will put them on defense. Instead use "yes and"

Do not use actually and obviously

Not every wrong thing someone says needs to be corrected

Be well read, be consistent, own your mistakes, build credibility and bank of trust

Read your opponent

Driver - like me - goal oriented, decisive, strong willed .. avoid chit chat, straight to point, don’t talk much about how you got here. Talk about next steps

Amiable - Vitan - relationship driven, agreeable … always do small talk

Expressive - Jyothi - talkative - ambitious … acknowledge, positive points before feedback

Analytical - Suresh - logical, process driven , organized, detail oriented .. need time to examine facts, mostly require second meeting, use data points

Timing and Location of conversations are imp

Compassion

Put yourself in other person shoes

It is unfortunate that the time and effort invested in this project did not yield the results we were seeking. What do you think went wrong ? Tell me why you made the decisions you made and if you had to do it over again, what, if anything, you’d do differently? What did you learn from this experience?

Use words like that’s interesting and tell me more. Instead of that’s wrong and that’s interesting.

Some examples of starting difficult conversations

I need your help with something. Do you have a moment to discuss this with me?
I would like to understand your feeling about __ better and share my perspective as well.
Something has been on my mind lately that I'd like to discuss with you. I'm hoping you can provide me with some insights so I can better understand.
I think we have different ideas on how to approach this project. I would like to hear your thinking on this and then share mine.
You are probably as surprised as I am in terms of what just happened. Got a minute to talk ?
I have something that I would like to talk with you about that I believe will allow us to work more effectively together. Can we schedule a time to meet this week or next?
I am wondering if you can share your thinking regarding a particular situation, so I can better understand your response.
I am curious. Can you tell me why you chose to go in this direction?
I am not going to beat around the bush here. I think we both have things we would like to say to one another. Would you like to start or Should I ?

Keeping the conversation going

What else can you tell me about X?
What did you use as the basis of your decision?
What exactly happened that caused you to react this way?
Why don't you explain your side of the story?
How are you feeling about X?
What challenges do you see for you to achieve your objectives?
How do you suggest we measure success?
How do you see this playing out?
Where do we go from here?
If we were to meet six months from now, what needs to happen for you to feel like we've worked through this issue?

Building Credibility is very important

Dealing with difficult people or conversations

There are 4 kinds of people.

Get it done - Aggresive, pushy, what to get it done

Get it right - know it all

Get along - value relationship

Get appreciated

When discussions degenerate into a conflict, switch your goal to get a deeper understanding. For example when a company was trying to decide a meeting location for a seminar,

first person - suggested to keep it in office.

second person reacted negatively and suggested a hotel.

Then a group of people suggested to keep it in a resort. 

If you are part of the meeting, you should ask the first person - why do you think we should have it in office ? and his answer was it saves money. When you ask the same question to second person, he says he has seen people responding to teams and attending to their work during the seminar if it happens in workplace. The third group said keeping in a resort will help people relax and bond as a team. So, hearing this you can understand what is the priority of each of this people. Saving Money, Avoiding distractions, relaxing and bonding. Now once we understand the deeper reason, it is always easier to agree on the priorities and make a decision